BITCH!

Bitch.

Such a strong word. Even the way you say it, almost spitting it out like a wad of curdled yoghurt, and its sound, is vehemently unforgiving. The word itself has a host of meanings, most of them unpleasant, including: a female dog; a malicious, unpleasant or selfish person; or a complaint. Used as a verb, it means to complain or to gripe.

Gay people, be they campy and loose-wristed or macho and straight acting, love to bitch. Even the most discreet of us can sometimes unwittingly launch into a bitch session with all the enthusiasm of a true-blue Bitcherina.

Some of us even take the title as a compliment – I have a friend who likes to call himself 'Queen Bitch of the Universe'. When we meet after a hard day of work for a drink, he would stalk up, briefcase in hand, plonk into an empty seat, light a cigarette and repeat his usual line, “I'm in a bitchy mood today.” This often amuses me, because the bitchier he gets, the more he walks like Naomi Campbell, although he probably doesn't realise it and we never tell him.

It seems that this is almost a natural ability with gay boys, and we make sure everyone knows it. It is sometimes whispered in certain awe (I exaggerate a little) that no man, woman or creature can out-bitch a gay guy on the warpath.

Why are gay people so bitchy? Is it simply yet another undeserved stereotype, or is there a reason to explain why we turn into Lady Deathstrikes whenever we want to? I am no Sigmund Freud, but I figure it could simply be a defense mechanism – or a cry for attention.

Those of us who were teased mercilessly when we were young for being faggots or sissies simply had to find a way to deal with all the ridicule. If they called you 'sissy', you retorted with 'slut'. If they sneered and called you a lady-boy, you gave them the finger and insulted their vocabulary.

One day, they told you that you were a bitch, and you said, “Whatever, it's better than being an ugly orang-utan.” and you had the last word. You discovered you could deal with being a bitch, even liked it because you usually had the last word, and so from that day on, you decided that being bitchy was a good way of dealing with unpleasant people.

So what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, a.k.a. when Bitcherina clashes with Bitchzilla?

In physics, they would say such a paradox would result in an outpouring of energy that would eventually destroy the universe. However, in the gay world, we know better. What is generated is mainly a lot of unpleasant squabbling over increasingly ridiculous and trivial issues.

This is often apparent on the Trevvy forums. When two parties have differing points of view that they feel very strongly about, they sometimes tend to get into hissy fits that can continue past the point of no return.

While I am all for a spot of bitching now and then – it does wonders for one's self-esteem and is quite a lot of fun once in a while – I also know that it can affect others around us.

For that reason, I tend to temper myself and proceed with caution. Bitching is an activity reserved for days out with the sisters, impolite hawker centre aunties and homophobic bigots. It is not, no matter how it seems, about proving who can have the last word and thus reign as Queen of Hell.

Next time, when you start to bitch consider the people around you (like just before sex, you think 'condoms!'), and try not to let any of it spill over.